A Celebration Of My Life

How do you feel about your birthday? Do you look forward to it and remind your friends, or do you try to keep it a secret? What are the things that you wish for on your birthday?

Timely questions, as my birthday is coming around again next week. My birthday signifies my personal new year. It is always a reminder of the sand clock of my life, and inevitably a time that I re-evaluate my priorities and resolve to bring my life more in line with them. I feel a greater sense of urgency as the years go by, to experience life more fully. To me, this means being in the moment, expanding my horizons in spite of fears sometimes and controlling that inner voice of self-criticism. Each year also brings me the surprising realization that, while I am technically no longer young, I do not really know how to be as old as I am. I always feel that my age and my sense of self simply do not match.

Each year on my birthday I think about the upcoming year, where I had been, where I am and where I am going. It may sound more like a New Years Resolution thing but I always thought that my birthdays were a better time for me to deeply reflect about my life. I want to spend most of my birthday this year driving which gives me a lot of time to think. I want to do a lot of thinking about how great things have been and how optimistic I am for the next years to come.

There are so many wonderful things that happened to me this year. To say I am happy and excited is a huge understatement. Some of the plans I’ve been working on are done and many of the others are nearing completion. It’s truly an exciting time. I'm really happy with the direction of my life.

My birthday reminds me to bring out the good dishes, both literally and figuratively; not to save and hoard, but to use and give. It reminds me to express and listen, to learn and teach and to create value in this world through my actions.

My birthday makes me grateful that I have lived one more year of good fortune on this planet and hopeful for another.

As I turn 46 this year, I have some birthday wishes. The things I wish for are not things that anyone can buy me. In a way, they go much deeper than that. My first wish is to live long enough to be able to watch many glorious sunsets with the man I want to spend the rest of my life and spend many moments with my grandchildren. I know it will happen one day. Just to be able to hold them and talk to them and tell them I love them as much as I love their mothers. I miss holding and feeling the touch of those little fingers on my face.

My next wish is to be able to see my daughters successful both in life and in their relationships. I wish that they each find a loving, responsible, understanding and God-fearing man.

My birthday wish also goes beyond my understanding of God, life and everything in between. I want to keep experiencing life... and I mean really experience life. I want to not just live... I want to be always alive. I want to feel it on such a deep level. I don't want it to just scratch my skin. I want it to penetrate into my soul. I don't just want to reach out with my fingers. I want to reach out with my spirit. Everything that is me wants to reach out and touch all of God's creations and I want to enjoy His creations and miracles on a level that far surpasses my physical being. I know that I will have to stand in His court one day and I'm sure He'll ask me if I lived... I want to be able to shout out YES! with great joy. I don't want to merely exist! I want my soul to sing...that's living.

On my birthday the most important thing I want to do is thank God. I am really grateful for my Life - For the very gift of each morning, and the privilege and responsibility it is to breathe the breath that God has given me.