My Spring Thoughts

The first spring rain that poured for four days finally stopped late this afternoon. A week before we had five days of sunshine and temperature in the mid 40's that helped a lot in melting those piles of snow from the winter snow around first week of February. Daylight Savings Time officially started today too. I've noticed that the days are getting longer and the nights are shorter...Winter is over and here comes the spring..Thanks God! I have always loved Spring, heck, doesn’t everyone?  I look forward to the month of April knowing that I will once again be able to hear the songs of spring. The whispered melodies that the flowers sing as they burst with colors reaching up to the open sky. In a couple of weeks, the Cherry Blossoms in our backyard will start blooming and various varieties of Azalea will be bursting with flowers of different colors all over our yard. The trees will be emerald green again..

Spring teaches me wonderful lessons in life. Even if it won't be long until it is gone again. Here's what I've learned from it.

Some people are like fragrant flowers in spring. They come into our lives ever so briefly and leave behind a scent that remains embedded in our being. They brighten your day by just having had contact with them even if for just a moment. If kindness would have scent, it would remind you of them.

Like when I smell pine, all the best Christmas memories rush through my mind. When I smell roses I think of romantic, moon filled evenings.

Some people, having given so much to you, remain a part of who you are forever. You cannot possibly go through a day without thinking about them. Their beautiful spirit gently nudges your heart each time you hear their name. The very thought of them stirs within your soul like the sweet fragrance of a thousand roses.

People who have come and stayed in bloom through a life time of eternal Spring, are like this sweet scent of flowers. Although my heart is saddened thinking that soon I won't be seeing them anymore, I will not remember them that way. I will forever see a thousand blooms each time I think of them. In the coldest, darkest days of the winter of my life, the memory of them will get me through it all. Even the slightest fragrance, a wisp of "almost there again," will bring a smile to my face and my heart will pound remembering the love.

My God, thank you very much not only for the beauty of the people You bring into my life, but for the lingering fragrance and everlasting memories of ever having loved them at all.

Having their memories and believing in you, means I will have spring forever in my heart.

Realization

What does it mean to feel realization? For me, it’s less about the things that occupy my life and more the people, at least realization as I have been feeling it lately. Maybe it was being at home most of the time this cold winter but to have none of the requisite image of home that have been needlepointed into my psyche as the proper image of winter snow. You know, to discuss the condition of the roads and that you should stay home and be safe with the person and be at your side through summer days and snow days, and who will actually go out and shovel while you prepare mugs of hot chocolate. Or was this realization just another aspect of loneliness that one feels when you don’t want to be alone and do it all on your own without a crutch or shovel holder to lean on?

Beneath the texture of external things and my nascent thoughts, a current has been running through me like the current in a river that is barely visible but still underlies all. It is sadness and loneliness. Since when something is so hard to identify?. Is this a good thing to be feeling, or would it be better to keep glossing over and pretending that I have such a wonderful life that I don't need anybody to get through any process that I am going through in my life?

Realization, indeed. It’s like the season, it comes, makes its impact, and then disappears.

Letters

It was drizzling when I woke up this morning and rather than drive through the weather to hit some golf balls in a driving range as I had planned yesterday, I decided to just stay in bed for a while and didn’t get up until after almost nine in the morning when I felt hungry and I needed coffee to wake me up and rescue me from my feeling of laziness.

While trying to figure out whether to spend my day-off shopping or hitting some balls in the driving range, I ended up cleaning my closet. In the throes of sorting out and cleaning up, I found a packet of love letters, notes and cards from the past. I had them in the box from when I found them at my house in Gensan. At that time, just a couple of months ago, I figured that at some point I would want to read them, or that they were an important archaeological part of my past that had to be preserved so I brought it with me on my way back here in the States. But today when I saw them, I opened one card and after reading one of them turned my stomach. Without further ado, I dumped the whole packet in the dumpster. There is nothing to see there, there is nothing to recount or relive. Garbage, it’s all garbage. Harsh? Maybe. But why excavate to the good when the bad have poisoned it all. Why think back when I need to look ahead?

In that same box, though, I did find two photo albums.  They are pictures of our first home and my daughters when they were little. Looking at those pictures brought back so many fond memories of being a young mother and the joy of starting a family. No matter how the past have made us sad that we just want to forget them, there are memories that are worth keeping because they always make us smile and feel happy whenever we remember them.

Can You Believe This???

I was waiting for the green traffic light at the intersection of Prince William Parkway and Minnieville Road on my way home from work this afternoon. I was driving a Suburban so I could see the driver of the other car and his body position while driving in a very awkward position .  Maybe it’s because I don’t have long legs that I can’t understand the phenomenon I saw, but even so, it does seem incredibly odd and unsafe. Why would a person drive a car with his one foot while his arm is behind his head as if he is ready to go to sleep? Weird isn't it? How can you possibly drive safely with your foot controlling the steering wheel? Being petite as I am, of course my feet can barely reach the dashboard of my car, but I could imagine what it would be like to have longer legs and being able to hold the steering wheel with one foot and  have the other one navigating between the brake and the gas pedal. It's just a crazy, unsafe idea.

Besides the absurdity of having your foot do what your hand should be doing, how could you maintain good control over the car like that?

Some people really amaze me...