After looking deep inside my heart and listening to my inner self these past few days, here are my thoughts and feelings about getting older.
I have always been very content looking at my face and noting that I don’t look my age and then getting on with my day without mulling over the passage of time and its impact on my physical appearance. And since people would always tell me that as well, I settled to that illusion for quite a while. But lately I have been noticing many changes in myself--how my skin is different from what it used to be. I have few brown spots on my face, certainly not like anything of those that used to make me fear getting OLD but rather they make me realize that change has come. The skin of my hands looks less than that of a lake on a placid summer afternoon, but more of some ripples of that same lake on a fall morning. I also seem to have developed an inability to remember names on a short-term basis; old friends aren’t a problem, but newly introduced ones … well, that’s another story.
Other than the physical stuff, the word getting older has entered my mind set as in this thought: I still have more or less 20 years to enjoy my active life. What’s more, the illusions of my twenties and thirties have been exchanged for a look into the interior mirror. The innocence has been replaced by wisdom gained from the different experiences, the physical strength and agility are now more on inner strength and flexibility built on self confidence. The dreams and fantasies are now realities and what used to be a need is now an everyday part of life. I have come to understand that my life is truly what I make it. I have learned to accept full responsibility for the path I have chosen, and although sometimes I continue to have doubts and little insecurities, these are remnants of pains and hurts in the past, and it's only a matter of time before these fears dissipate. I have become the woman I was meant to be. I am caring, compassionate, loving, generous and forgiving. This doesn't mean that I exist in this place at all times, but I try, whenever I am drawn off course, to return to this place. I have never felt more connected to me than at this time of my life. I am creative, vibrant, excited about the future, stepping more into what I am truly capable of becoming, and making no more excuses for what I can't do, while embracing the possibilities of what I can. I have not yet tapped into my full potential, but you can be sure that before I leave this world, I will have given it my best shot.
I have been so richly blessed with a wonderful family. I have my daughters and a grand daughter who are my inspirations. They make me laugh every day. Anyone that knows me knows how I love to laugh. And my daughters have a quick-wit and amazing sense of humor so I find myself laughing a lot whenever we’re together. But most of all they give me hope. Hope for the future, because in their eyes and in their thoughts, I see so much promise. I have wonderful parents that have always believed in me. Last but not least, my friends. I have had so many great friendships throughout my life. Some were brief and fleeting, others for a little longer and some for a lifetime. Some friendships old and some new. I think a person is blessed if they can have one truly close, best friend; I’ve been doubly blessed with more than two best friends!
It hasn't been easy. It is an exhilarating ride this thing called life. But I would not change the course of my life even if given a chance to do so. I am grateful for all I have been through because they’re my stepping stones to what I have become. I give thanks to God every moment for the many generous acts I've been blessed with in my life. He has given me precious gifts that I could ever have!
